The Suicide Circus
by Raven1262
Summary: Naruto falls in love with Kiba but when Kiba rejects him Naruto believes that the only way to make Kiba truly happy is to commit suicide. Will Naruto end up regretting his decision or will he trust that it will lead him somewhere good in the end?


Prologue

I've always wanted to die painfully. I'm hopeful that the surge of intense pain will at least be strong enough to give me some real emotions for once, even if they are negative. I've thought about how I would die for many years now and each and every time I have been led back to this place, this quiet utopia where my thoughts were the only thing that ever made a sound. It was a nice place, almost poetic in fact, the grass was soft and relaxing, the sky was devoid of any clouds or birds to distract from the remarkable blue, the lake only a few feet away from where I lay was stainless and peaceful in its silent swaying and for some reason I seemed to be the only person to know of its existence at all. Every time I visited there was nobody around. It was pretty strange to say the least. I had once almost convinced myself that this place was just a figment of my imagination and that I would somehow sync into my subconscious and create this fantastic paradise. But I knew that kind of thinking was just stupid and that I should try to enjoy the peace and calm that this place was giving me. Ironically, whenever I came here I always thought about suicide and this time was no different. This time, in particular, I was distraught over my inability to commit suicide. No matter what method I attempted, hanging, my father's pistol, carbon monoxide poisoning, cutting my wrists, overdosing and even electrocution had all ended in the same miserable failure of weak willpower. I thought it might be my innate and genetic human response to preserve life because as long as I was fully aware of what I was doing I never seemed to be able to go through with it, which in turn led me back here to think and contemplate new ways to achieve my deepest desires.

I want so badly to be dead so that I would no longer have to suffer in agony and continue my life as a human eyesore that the world was better off without. I want to die so that I will no longer have to live in the misery that is dragged in my continuous humiliation and depression. I want to die so that I will finally be free from the hatred and resentment I feel. But most of all I want to die because I can no longer withstand the force of complete and total rejection from the only person I have ever loved.

The water looks so calm that the only way to be sure it was really there would be to place your finders on the surface so that a ripple would form. This place was perfect like my own personal slice of heaven and I couldn't even enjoy it. But whenever I need, it always seemed to call out to me. I could not escape the wonders that it beheld and maybe I wasn't supposed to. Maybe this place was the answer to all my problems. Maybe it was the solution to my every issue. Maybe it kept calling me back because it was here that I was meant to stay. It was here that I was meant to die. I had never thought of it before in such a way before. It was practically exhilarating. But what would I use? How would I do it? There were no sharp objects or dangerous chemicals and even if there was I had already proven that I was incapable of performing those tasks for the purpose of death. That's when my eyes were brought back to the lake, its mysterious waters that seemed to be frozen in time. The water would be my way out. I could drown myself. All I had to do was submerge myself in deep enough water and then do absolutely nothing as I waited for death to take hold of me. Believing in my full proof plan I immediately rose to my feet and started walking into the cold waters. My movements had all been so fluid until I reached the point where the water was up to my chin and I came to an immediate stop. I was in love, madly in love with a boy. Should I really give everything up just because my feelings were not returned? I took a step back and the water receded to my neck line. This wasn't right? I can't do this! I began to shake wildly in the water at my sudden internal conflict and right when I was about to turn around and run back to shore I remembered. I remember I had come here.

"_Why would I ever waste my time with a dirty little fag like you? You can take your fucking love and go shove it in some other fags' ass where it belongs! Now just get away from me before you infect me with aids or some other disgusting fag shit!"_

That's what Kiba had said to me as soon as I told him that I was in love with him before walking away coldly. I swear if I hadn't been too heartbroken to move I would have killed myself then and there. And in the end isn't that the one thing you want to control more than anything else. Nobody wants to die pathetically and what could possibly be a better way to die than for the one you love because no matter how much it hurt and no matter how many tears I cried I still love him. And with this finally act I could finally do something that would make him and the rest or the world happy. I could end my life so that everyone else's would be better without the burden of my existence hanging over their shoulders. And with a single tear falling down my cheek I took one finally step forward and let the weight of my own body slowly slide to the bottom of the lake. It didn't take long before my lungs started to burn from lack of oxygen and though my body desperately tried to compel me to resurface I remained motionless. I was doing this for Kiba and I refused to fail at anything that would possibly make me look bad in his eyes. My arms began to move violently in the water but I made sure not to allow them too much leverage as they desperately tried to push me to the surface. I want Kiba to be happy more than anything else in the world and with me gone maybe he could be. By now my vision was beginning to fail and the world was getting darker. Finally after all my time suffering I can die and in doing so make someone I love happy. Kiba I-I l-lo..ve yo-

At first there was just black, nothing else. Some people say that you can never truly experiences darkness unless you travel to a remote corner of the world and shut everything off. That's just not true because there is still the light from the moon and stars. True darkness comes when you die, when your ability to see is taken away from you and you're left with nothing. This darkness is true fear and loneliness that is never ending. But for what seemed like hours of staring into this unknown abyss a light finally appeared before me. I squinted harshly in a desperate attempt to make out the shape the light was beginning to take on and as it moved closer I realized it was an old woman who I'd never seen before. She was smiling and despite her old age seemed to move as gracefully as if she had been young.

"What's your name sweet child?"

"Naruto Uzumaki."

"Well it's a pleasure to meet you Naruto Uzumaki, even under these circumstances." Under these circumstances? What did she mean by that? Who was she? And where was I? I had so many different questions on my mind I was beginning to develop a headache.

"Excuse me but who are you? I've never met you before."

"Well of course you haven't sweetie because I'm death." Death? Like the grim reaper kind of thing? She must be joking. This sweet little old lady couldn't be Death. Wasn't Death supposed to be like scary? This woman looked so pleasant and comforting that there was no way she could ever be Death, right? She's got to be making a joke or something.

"I'm sorry but isn't Death supposed to be scary and cruel and ruthless and pure evil and stuff? You aren't even carrying a scythe with you." She looked at me and smiled warmly as if this wasn't the first time she had been asked that question.

"I am Death. But it's the soul of the person who dies that controls my appearance. For some I do become the evil, scary monster that you talk about but for you I did not need to be so I was given this appearance." I didn't know what to say. There was no way of finding out whether or not what she was saying was true so I guess I just had to believe her.

"Well if you're Death than that means I'm dead, right?"

"Yes you're dead but the thing that confuses me is that you shouldn't be. You did not have to die but instead willing took part in suicide. Now people die every single day, from many different types of reasons and in many different ways so tell me Naruto Uzumaki why did you choose to die?" Her smile had faded and was replaced with a mild look of concern mixed with general curiosity. I was surprised she didn't know being that she's Death and all but I guess it didn't really matter anyway.

"I died so that I could make someone very important happy."

"They must be pretty special for you to do that, huh?" I looked up towards her and smiled. Kiba was the best part of my existence and I was happy to do anything I could for him. He was perfect, everything about him. His face, his hair, his eyes, his chest and stomach, his legs and feet, hands and arms, I wanted to kiss him every time I saw him. I was in love with him and even though he would never be in love with me, I could make him happier by not ruining his life by me being there. He was the entire reason I decided to commit suicide and even though I'm dead, I can still feel my heart beat twice as fast whenever I think about him.

"Yeah he really is."

"Well tell me about him." 


End file.
